Reality chick, how can I get my girlfriend to want more sex? We had loads in the beginning and now we do it once a fortnight, if that. We’ve been together five years and I’ve tried everything to get her in the mood, nothing works, she’s always too tired, too busy, too whatever. But when I get mad and remind her how long it’s been she pulls away and makes me wait even longer til the next time. Jim

It’s a common problem – believe it or not, on both sides, if the women I’ve talked to over the years are anything to go by. But I can tell you one thing, Jim: no one, and I mean no one, whose libido is lower than their partner’s is going to react to a reminder of how long it’s been by saying, ‘Oh you big stud muffin. I just get all hot for it when you keep score on our lovemaking sessions. Stop caressing that calculator of yours and let’s get naked.”
Tempting as it may be to criticise, complain and make negative comments when you’re left high and dry, it probably makes you look about as sexy to your partner as a door-knob. Sure, they may give in and dole out some pity sex – but that’s just sad, really, when you want a partner who’s up for a damn good seeing-to as much as you’re up to giving her one.
It’s hard talking to your partner about sex. Awkward. Icky. Much better if sex just happens and it’s all good and you never have to mention it at all. But it sounds like you guys might be overdue for a chat, and be careful how you approach it. Sit her down, tell her that you love her and want your relationship to be as good as it can be, including your sex life. Tell her you genuinely want to hear her out – what she wants, what she likes, how often she likes it, so you can work out some kind of compromise you’re both happy with. Encourage her to be completely honest with you – no judgements, no defensiveness. If you find that creeping in on either side, suggest seeing a sex counsellor, who’ll be able to guide you guys in an honest discussion and hopefully, to a middle ground you’re both happy with. Good luck and good lovin’, buddy.
Love, reality chick