I took wedding ring off, wife's mad

Reality chick, I’ve been happily married for eight years, and I love my wife, but I’ve got a lot of single mates who love going out on the pull. We go out every weekend, often both nights, and my mates always get me to take my wedding ring off when I’m out with them. It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not because I plan to do anything, just because my mates think they’ll have a better chance of getting laid if we all look like we’re single. But one of my wife’s friends saw me in a bar recently without my wedding ring and told my wife and she’s so mad, I don’t know what to do. Scott

Funny that. Nothing like hearing that your hubby likes to pretend he’s single when he’s out with the guys. Especially when he’s out with the guys most of every weekend. Forgetting the ring situation for a moment, don’t husbands who are happily married and love their wives want to hang out with them on weekends? At least occasionally?

Maybe you and your wife are super-independent and trust each other implicitly and like to spend weekends catching up with your own mates. If that works for you, great. But you’re not exactly just hanging out with your mates having a few innocent beers, are you? You’re helping them get laid – which involves removing your wedding ring, playing wingman and, no doubt, chatting up groups of girls who believe, for all intents and purposes, that you’re single, too. Clearly this doesn’t evoke any guilt for you, which is a problem, regardless of whether you’re planning to act on your newfound fake single status or not.
I could be wrong, Scott, but I reckon you’re probably more confused than me or your wife about all this. What can you do? Maybe start by figuring out whether you’re as happily married as you make out, and whether your priorities are your wife and your marriage - or the mates who insist you pretend to be single just so they can get a shag on a regular basis.
Love, reality chick

Just can't get no satisfaction

I’ve been single for about 8 months now. I don’t mind being on my own but I do miss sex. My friends are all hooked up so it’s hard to go out and meet people. I’m no prude and I’m happy with no-strings sex right now so I’ll take any suggestions! Getting a bit sick of my many vibrators - ha! Ha! HM

I’m guessing you haven’t joined a dating site yet – otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You’d be besieged by a bevy of blokes who’d happily list ‘no-strings sex’ as the only thing on their profile if they could get away with it. So that’s an option, but be warned: you’ll be sifting through quite a few profiles and enduring many more disastrous, kill-me-now dates before you actually find a guy you want to ride the hobby horse with. Hot, single male acquaintances happy to double as bed-pals are probably less hassle.

If you’re lacking in hot, single male acquaintances, it’s time to find some – maybe at a cool bar where you feel comfortable wearing heels and a come-hither expression. Think Vera Farmiga in that recent dramedy Up in the Air. (Just don’t expect to meet George Clooney.)
For nights in? Soft porn and erotic literature can get the party started (think Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden or Men in Love; Delta of Venus by Anais Nin; Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence or India Knight’s The Dirty Bits for Girls). And as a girl who values her vibrators, it might be time to invest in a few new models if the old ones aren't even boring the pants off you.
Love, reality chick

How to get more sex from my girl?

Reality chick, how can I get my girlfriend to want more sex? We had loads in the beginning and now we do it once a fortnight, if that. We’ve been together five years and I’ve tried everything to get her in the mood, nothing works, she’s always too tired, too busy, too whatever. But when I get mad and remind her how long it’s been she pulls away and makes me wait even longer til the next time. Jim

It’s a common problem – believe it or not, on both sides, if the women I’ve talked to over the years are anything to go by. But I can tell you one thing, Jim: no one, and I mean no one, whose libido is lower than their partner’s is going to react to a reminder of how long it’s been by saying, ‘Oh you big stud muffin. I just get all hot for it when you keep score on our lovemaking sessions. Stop caressing that calculator of yours and let’s get naked.”

Tempting as it may be to criticise, complain and make negative comments when you’re left high and dry, it probably makes you look about as sexy to your partner as a door-knob. Sure, they may give in and dole out some pity sex – but that’s just sad, really, when you want a partner who’s up for a damn good seeing-to as much as you’re up to giving her one.
It’s hard talking to your partner about sex. Awkward. Icky. Much better if sex just happens and it’s all good and you never have to mention it at all. But it sounds like you guys might be overdue for a chat, and be careful how you approach it. Sit her down, tell her that you love her and want your relationship to be as good as it can be, including your sex life. Tell her you genuinely want to hear her out – what she wants, what she likes, how often she likes it, so you can work out some kind of compromise you’re both happy with. Encourage her to be completely honest with you – no judgements, no defensiveness. If you find that creeping in on either side, suggest seeing a sex counsellor, who’ll be able to guide you guys in an honest discussion and hopefully, to a middle ground you’re both happy with. Good luck and good lovin’, buddy.
Love, reality chick

 

OK to date my shaggable co-worker?

I got drunk recently with workmates and ended up shagging a colleague I’ve fancied for ages. We’ve started dating, but I think our company has policies about inter-office relationships – and while I like this guy, I really don’t want to lose my job, either. Any ideas? Liz

Well, a whopping 80 percent of people believe it's acceptable to date a workmate, according to a recent survey - and 57 percent of women met their spouse/current partner at the office, so you're in good company. Some companies are cool with employee relationships - if you disclose it – so check the fine print before you figure out what to do and who to tell. In the meantime, maybe avoid smooching by the photocopier.

Love, reality chick



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