Don't try this at home, kids

Movies have a lot to answer for. Not least, the myth that sex against a wall actually works. Yes, I know someone named a cocktail after it but in the real world, that doesn’t make it any more physically possible. I was planning to write about something else this week, but while watching a show where two actors made wall sex look a) easy and b) sexy, I got mad and decided to shed some light on this big fat lie.
My own failed attempts at it, combined with watching far too much wall sex take place in a variety of movies and shows over the years, have led me to an empowering conclusion. Namely, that elitish, elusive, try-hardish positions like the above give movie sex in general a bad name. After all, sex against a wall isn’t nearly as erotic as a naked, passionate tryst on a marble staircase, a la Rene Russo and Pierce Brosnan in The Thomas Crown Affair. Or wet, frantic fumblings in a muddy field like Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Myer in Match Point. Even Michelle Pfieffer and Beau Bridges making whoopee on the grand piano in The Fabulous Baker Boys can give a girl hope that there’s movie sex out there for all of us.
So here’s to watching more of the romps we can recreate in our own lives and less of the kind that could actually leave you and/or your partner with a serious injury.
After all, you’ll never be short of a staircase, muddy field, grand piano – or, in really drastic situations, bed. On that note, what’s the movie sex scene you’ll never forget?