Pensioner porn is out there... somewhere

Another Friday night, another one too many bottles of wine, and the conversation inevitably turns to those icky topics best avoided unless you're off your pickle. Like whether the dead watch us on the loo, what kind of people dress up as dogs on weekends and the truth about old wrinklies getting it on.
I know that last bit isn’t something you want to read about over your morning weeties but I drunkenly swore to pen my next blog post about it. Extensive research on the topic (ok, a half-hearted google search for ‘pensioner porn’) revealed that not only are elderly people still into sex, but they’re probably doing it more than younger people.
I mean think about it – they’re retired, their kids have left home, bowls and gardening has to get boring at some point. My poor friend Mel has spotted evidence of this first hand. She paled while recounting the time she walked in on her own grandparents. They were hard of hearing so obviously didn’t even notice when she clomped down the hallway to their room to ask where they kept the sugar. The fact that it was mid-morning and they were absorbed in the sixty-nine position at the time wasn’t lost on Mel, who is scarred to this day by the experience.
Look, I’m all for people keeping up a healthy sex life into their twilight years. I’m just glad I never spotted any shenanigans between my own grandparents, or worse, my own mum and dad. In fact, in all my thirtysomething years there's been no sign of anything untoward. Ever. Nary a squeaky bedspring. Zero muffled moans. Definitely no saucy underwear strewn haphazardly around the room. It’s impressive, that dedication to not grossing your children out, and I thank them for it.
That said, I'm a hopeless voyeur who loves nothing more than a horrific biddy bonking story. So if you're trying to block one out, tell me all about it...