Slippery little suckers

We've covered ‘I Loke you,’ on this blog, but now it’s time to move onto the real thing. I Love You [I feel these loaded words are important enough to deserve capitals].
Those three little words can be slippery little suckers. Tricky to execute and even tougher to predict how they will go down. Like a lead balloon is how my last attempt was received. Let me set the scene for ya. We’re lying in bed – post shag – spooning in what I thought was a blissful haze of mutual love and affection. We’d been going out for six months, so I took the initiative and whispered "I love you" in his ear. I expected he would turn around, pull me to his moist chest and say as if in romance novel, "I love you too!" But that’s not how it played out. Instead his body went rigid and there was a very long silence. Longer and more awkward than any I have experienced in my life. Then he sighed – deeply. Bitterly disappointed, I said I was expecting him to say something. Anything. Jeeze. Way to leave a girl hanging. To which he replied, "Yeah. Sorry, but those words just give me a cold chill." Hmmmmn. Now, any sane girl would have made a very hasty retreat from this emotional cripple right then and there. But instead I moved in with him. Not my best call. Two years later he still had trouble saying how he felt about me. In fact I could’ve counted the "I love You’s" on one hand. When I got well and truly sick of it, I dumped his emotionally unavailable arse.
When’s the right time to say I Love You? Should the guy say it first? Is it really that important? Please tell me stories that are more humiliating than mine – I beg of you!!!