The fast and the furious

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a nosy superhero, it’s that many of us (yes, yes, myself included) need a serious sex de-brief 101. We freak out that it’s too often/not often enough, we agonise over telling/not telling our raunchiest fantasies and we think something’s amiss if our sexcapades aren’t two-hour flesh-fests complete with candles, appropriate music and enough positions to leave you dizzy and in need of medical attention (please, don’t get me started on wall sex).
To all of the above, I say bollocks. And I’m not alone according to a major US survey which recently lifted the sheets on the best sex. Apparently sex is not SUPPOSED to be an epic performance, but rather a fun cameo role lasting between seven and 13 minutes. Even three minute sex is considered ‘adequate’.
I’m hoping that will be music to the ears of my readers who have children and cackle hysterically whenever the topic of sex rears its naked head (you know who you are). Granted, it may take some practice ripping your clothes off, doing the deed, enjoying post-coital bliss and putting your clothes back on in 180 seconds flat, but if you’re short on time the fast and furious quickie has got to be worth a try. I’m an advocate – not all the time, mind you, but I’m not going to decline if it’s the only option on the table.
So, your homework this week, people: set the stopwatch, grab your partner/ bedpal/ favourite vibrator etc, and give that three-minute lovin’ theory a hammering. Honestly, it’s the time it takes to make a cup of tea, thumb through a copy of a trashy mag’s Worst Bikini Bodies issue or shave your legs ankle-to-hip. But none of those pursuits are going to leave you with quite the same twinkle in the eye. At least, I hope not.