How to de-code a date's mixed signals?

I recently had what I thought was a very promising first (RSVP) date with a guy who was attractive, smart and funny. Conversation flowed easily, I thought there was a spark. At the end of the date he told me what a great time he'd had; how we should definitely do it again soon; and to let him know anytime I was free for a drink/movie/dinner etc. He even said 'in the meantime, feel free to email me'. Pretty clear signs he's interested, right? So the next day I send a very brief, friendly email saying it was nice to see him, fully expecting him to reply setting up another date. Instead I get an email saying he didn't think there was any chemistry, so perhaps we can just be friends. Huh? Am I missing something? Catherine

I don’t blame you for being confused, Catherine; he went a tad overboard, considering he was already thinking, ‘this is platonic, nothing more’. The only signs I can glean of that is the fact that he left all the balls in your court – for example, asking YOU to let him know when you were free next, and telling YOU to email him. That shows zero effort on his part. Cowardly, too, because I’m sure he knew if you ever called him on it (as you did, believing he was keen) he could wrap up the mixed signals nicely over email without ever having to confront the situation face to face. I give him one point for his post-date honesty (rare in the online dating realm) but minus five points for mucking you around in the first place.

Re post-date etiquette: there are so many schools of thought on this one. Some believe all bets are off in the dating world. If a guy likes a girl, he’s not going to care two hoots who makes the post-date contact. Others think some men are more traditional and prefer to drive things. I think it comes down to so much more than that: your style (assertive, passive, come-hither, etc), your perception of how the date went and of course, the type of person your date is. Hard to gauge when you’ve only just met someone, but it’s exhausting sticking to a few silly ‘rules’ which may only apply half the time! I reckon do what feels right on a date-by-date basis. If you want to email, and that’s how your ‘courtship’ started, go for it. If they play silly buggers when you thought all went well, you have your answer. Next!
Love, reality chick