No passion with my partner...

Dear reality chick, I'd love to hear your opinion. I'm in a long-term, very committed relationship that gives me great companionship and lots of laughs and stability and wonderful friends but I'm afraid it just doesn't fulfil my need for passion and a sense of connection with a 'soulmate'. I find myself looking for this connection with other people and I'm upset with myself for not being totally faithful (in my mind) to my partner. What should I do? Miss Muffet

Hmmm. Chances are you’ve heard the whole ‘passion fades yada yada’ argument a million times so I won’t go there. But if you’re being mentally unfaithful – by, say, letting once-platonic friendships cross the line into emotional affair territory – it may only be a matter of time before you fall headfirst into someone else’s undies (or vice versa). When you’re not totally happy, I think it becomes wildly tempting to dip a toe in the world of What Might Be, but it’s a dirty move no matter which way you spin it.

I think we all expect a lot from our relationships. Way too much if we’re guilty of compulsive rom com watching. After all, very few people have it as good as Hollywood would like us to believe. But while companionship, laughs, stability and a kicking social set would be enough for some people, maybe they’re not enough for you. That's OK, but acknowledging this is one thing - making what might be a radical life change is quite another. The fact that you keep looking for connections with others is a big signal. You’re imagining a life beyond what you have, and that’s not going to change unless you take steps to shift your focus back onto your partner. If things are at all ‘fixable’, I think it’s worth a crack. If that’s not going to work, for whatever reason (ie, you are both indifferent to changing things / can’t imagine bonking after years in separate beds / are staying together for the kids' sake, if you have them), then counselling might be a good move to assess things, including your future. Years without true passion can take its toll on a gal, but don’t chuck an emotional bomb into the heart of your current relationship unless you’re really sure it’s not what you want anymore.
Love, reality chick