Is brutal honesty essential in a relationship?
Aug 26th, 2010 | By reality chick | Category: RC's musings
One of my favourite moments in cinema when Tom Cruise is having problems with his deeply unpleasant girlfriend Avery in Jerry Maguire. Just before she punches him in the nose and unceremoniously dumps him, she reminds him they had a deal in their relationship.
Avery: “Our deal was brutal honesty.”
Jerry: “I think you added the brutal part.”
Avery: “There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don’t have it. I don’t cry at movies, or gush over babies. And I don’t tell a man who just screwed up, ‘Oh, poor baby.’”
Ouch. This brings me to my post for this week – brutal honesty in a relationship. Do we really need to be completely, 100 percent truthful with our partners? Or are there some things it’s okay to be a teensy weensy bit untruthful about? I would argue that a little white lie here and there is de rigueur in a relationship. Essential for day-to-day harmony, if you will. Here are a few forgiveable fibs, just off the top of my head:
~ Yes, you can go out in public with that haircut.
~ No, you haven’t put on weight over Easter.
~ Yes, that was great sex.
~ No, you can hardly see that zit on your nose.
~ Yes, you can wear that shirt with those pants.
~ No, I don’t mind if we spend this Saturday shopping for wedding invitations.
~ Yes – that gym membership is working for you
~ No, that meatloaf you just cooked wasn’t like eating toxic sludge.
~ Yes, I’d love to come and watch you play sport
~ No, I don’t mind if your mother comes to stay for a week.
Some would argue, if you can’t get the straightforward, down and dirty truth from your partner – then who can you get it from? Others, like Moi, would argue, if your partner can’t make you feel good, even with a haircut from hell and a pimple on your nose, then who can?
*** To lie or not to lie – that’s the question people…
Related posts:
You can’t handle the truth!
The fact is most people can’t and they don’t want to. That’s why we have diplomacy, and nice ways of saying not so nice things. Which is also why the synopsis on a past relationship can be quite confusing. We often hear things like:
It’s like I don’t know him/her anymore.
Why didn’t he/she say something about it if it was such an issue
But hey, if everyone was brutally honest then human relationships would be … (I’ll let someone else answer that question).
“no really . . . I haven’t slept with that many people” . . . be truthful, who hasn’t fudged this one? I read somewhere though that men inflate the figure, and women under-report the actual figure. Thank god I’ve only slept with 3 people . . . he he he
Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untruuuuueooo….
Whoa! Think I was just channelling Billy Joel for a minute.
Thanks for sharing B and BB
Don’t guys multiple by 3 and girls divide by 3.
cool brent . . . that only makes me at nine . . . that’ll do :-)
You don’t need brutality from your partner at all! The warm bosom (or crutch) of lies is where you go to nestle against the harsh, big bad world, right?
i went out with a total charmer for a short period of time (about 5 months, long enough!) and he had the attitude of brutal honesty….a few months in, he told me that he loved everything about me, he just wasn’t sure if he could commit to me because of my weight!!! (and people, i was probably about 65 kgs at the time, possibly less, not morbidly obese or anything).
i found out many years later that he had slept with my best friend while we were together (on a holiday that i was supposed to be at, but couldn’t be because of ill health/surgery). yep, this guy was all class…..(and so was the best friend!)
What a dickswipe!!! Pity the poor woman whose weight did meet his expectations… ! I hope you were brutally honest when you dumped him :-)
I think we all need to get over our precious selves a bit – what has the world come to if we can’t take a bit of blunt honesty thrown at us???? Are we that prim and proper that we can’t handle someone telling things to us “like it is”?
I don’t actually think you should lie about any of those things. Not helpful…Particularly the mother one, which will just come back to bite you later when you feel resentment about a situation you were never happy with.
It’s not necessary to be BRUTAL, agreed, but I still think most of these things are things your partner would want to know and they wouldn’t feel like it was a favour for you to lie about them. Say it with humour or gently. Eg. Don’t say the meatloaf was like toxic sludge, just say “That wasn’t one of your more successful efforts but thanks anyway”. Or “Do you mind if I don’t come and watch you play, you know I don’t really enjoy sport.” EASY!